Late Innings

So much news over the past few days about (Pirates’ prospect) Jose Tabata. Actually most of it revolves around his wife. To get everyone up to speed on the story:

Under his own insistence, Pirates prospect Jose Tabata wrote and delivered a statement on Friday concerning the kidnapping charges his wife, Amalia Tabata Pereira, faces and the recent revelations that much of Tabata’s relationship with her is now known to have been built on her calculated fabrications.

Pereira is accused of kidnapping a 2-month-old girl in Plant City, Fla., on Monday after posing as an immigration officer. An Amber Alert was issued for the missing infant, Sandra-Cruz Francisco, later that evening. An anonymous call to the Manatee County Sherriff’s Office on Tuesday led police to a strip mall in Bradenton, Fla., the city where the Pirates hold Spring Training, where the baby was found and handed over to law enforcement unharmed.

Tabata is a 20 year old outfield prospect for the Pittsburgh Pirates. His wife (at the time of the arrest) is 43. The two met over two years ago, and just recently married back in January of 2008. The article elaborates on that fact as follows:

Tabata fell into a situation where he was taken advantage of by Pereira while a teenager adapting to life in a foreign country. Tabata was 18 when he met his then-41-year-old wife in Tampa, Fla., as a Yankees Minor Leaguer. The two married in January 2008.

In other words, we have a classic case of a cougar attempting to catch herself some prey. I’m 27, would I have done the same thing if pressed into that situation? Well lets lay down the facts about Tabata’s wife. When she started the hunt, she was 41 years old. For XKCD readers, we can use the following formula to calculate the minimum age guy she can date:

( Math.Floor($age/2) ) + 7

I added the floor function to decrease the age even further. Any ways plugging in the variables (or variable as I should say), Tabata can’t go younger than 27. She bagged herself a 18 year old high-ceiling prospect. She’s clearly violating the rules of nature here. On the other side of things, the youngest girl I can date is a 20 year old. That’s good to know. Still, not to sound immature and such, what was Jose thinking? Seriously.

TBO.com, Tribune photo by JASON BEHNKEN.